Welcome back Muggles, I see you've evaded Filch and successfully found The Room of Requirement without losing anything of importance.
Well, except for you in the back.
I do hope that toe grows back.
Anyone need a refresher of why I had you sneak into Hogwarts this tempestuous night?
Now listen closely because I am going to share with you some secrets you and you absolutely do not want to miss a word.
While traveling through London, there are a few stops you must make.
Number 12 Grimmauld Place is chief among them. Though Order of the Phoenix is not likely to allow you past the front door, muggles have decided the supposedly protected doorstep is the place for photographs.
Guess they don't notice Kreacher glaring at them from the second story window.
If you get a bit lost, just pull out your magic wand and The Night Bus is sure to find you. Do stick around. Talking with the conductor and Dre Head is a fun treat, sure to amuse even the tiniest of witches.
Or you could just sneak around to the back of the bus for one of those prime muggle photo spots.
If you notice a witch or wizard misbehaving, then march straight to the only phone booth and dial M*A*G*I*C to be promptly put through to the Ministry of Magic. But don't be telling any lies now, you'll only get detention.
When you finally make it into Diagon Alley, stay sharp. Some eager shark fans have spotted bones from something called 'Jaws' in the window of Mr. Mulpepper's A[pthocary, located to the left Florean Fortescues Ice Cream Parlour. If these predators of the sea are your thing, then maybe that song the shrunken heads sing in Knockturn Alley sounds familiar? Something about "show me the way to go home?"
And those are only the tips of the fins with references to the historical ground Diagon Alley sits upon.
Even shopping is full of things not to be missed.
While shopping for your next robe at Madam Malkins Robes For All Occasions be sure to check yourself out in the mirror. After all, mirrors never tell lies.
Over at Gringott's Money Exchange you will find one of the most talkative goblins I have ever met. Have a pressing question about goblins? Need some financial advice? Now is the time to ask.
If a goblin isn't your creature of choice, then maybe you should brush up on your parseltongue. I met the most delightful sssnake down the dark, hidden alleyway beside Magical Menagerie. He's quite talkative, if you have an ear to bend.
Always remember to keep an eye in the sky. If you miss the fire breathing dragon's warning grumbles (about every fifteen minutes or so) then I won't be applying any burn cream to you when you get roasted.
If the dark arts are more your style, I expect you'll be spending a lot of time in the shady Borgin and Burkes. Be vigilant though. It would be such a shame if the Hand of Glory grabbed you while you were listening to the trapped bird in the Vanishing Cabinet.
Have you ever wanted to meet Howart's four founding members? While your are walking through the school's halls, look up when you heard them arguing over muggles in the halls. There is something familiar about the objects they are holding. Remind me to things Tom Riddle once stole.
Did you know our most famous wizard had his life recorded in print and then turned into in a "movie?"
It's such a muggle thing, I know.
But the muggle liaison in charge of setting the facts straight, makes sure everything you see around your is authentic as it could possibly be. She has veto power.
- None of this fancy "soda" and "pretzel" nonsense will ever pass through our archway.
- Those silly muggles dressed in strange superhero and Seuss costumes will never find the entrance to the Wizarding World. You can be sure of that.
Regrettably, not everything is in her control:
- Our cherished actors who portrayed the heroes Harry and Hermione chose not to take a ride on the Hogwarts Express. Nor did they visit the underground caverns of Gringotts with us. Someone else had to voice their parts.
This witch for one is tired, out of breath and ready for a Butterbeer break. I hope you've enjoyed learning more about my second home....
*Hears a loud banging sound*
Oh, no. They've found us.
Quickly muggles into the Vanishing Cabinet. Single file now. No shoving.
And remember, when you visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, always check down every alley, in every window, and in all directions.
You never know what Easter eggs you might find.